by Ricki Blanchard

I almost missed summer this year. I almost missed it last year, too. Hopefully I've learned my lesson. I did finally get to the beach with friends a few times during the last week of August and first week of September. Listening to the waves was nourishing to my body and soul, digging my feet into the sand connected me to mother earth and grounded me at the same time. But it was the words I heard spoken by the friends, intentionally and unintentionally, that I took home as true treasures. Words I could feed on and digest and apply to life. Lessons on the beach.

At lunch with a friend yesterday, these questions were posed to me: What causes a person to be civilized? What causes a person to be uncivilized? As I pondered these excellent questions, he asked, "Well, do you have an answer?"

Yes, of course, love and fear is at the base of every chosen action or way of being. I am assuming we are using the same definition of civil, meaning what we in America consider civil behavior. What other countries call civil may be viewed as uncivil by our standards. Honor, peace, respect, dignity, and other sub-definitions of love could be the causes for civil behavior. These same aspects could come from a place of fear and cause uncivilized actions.

I can think of instances when my actions could have been described as uncivilized. Some in particular occurred when I believed my daughter was in danger. Back a mother into a corner and watch the fur fly! Love and fear can have a fine line in between, appearing invisible at times.

Not much later that day, I witnessed this same enlightened soul engage in loud, angry, mostly verbal battle on the beach with a complete stranger. I didn't, or wouldn't, believe that any physical harm was going to result, so I did not intervene. I had a sense that a great lesson was going on. I, wanting peace, started gathering my things to be ready to move down the beach. This was my reaction to "uncivilized" behavior.

When my friend returned to my side, defensive and angry and righteous, I calmly repeated his earlier questions - What causes a person to be civilized? What causes a person to be uncivilized?

As he started in on what she had said and what she had done and how people should be this way and people should never be interrupted with "This isn't about her. I want to know what 'caused' you to react the way you did?"

It took a very long walk down the beach and back to get to his underlying personal issues. As we talked, I recalled the words I heard on another beach with another friend the previous week about conflict. Her revelation was "I want what I want." And, the other person wants what they want. Too often, all the individuals really want is to be "right."

In the midst of conflict, there is not always time, nor is it appropriate, to excuse yourself to meditate or seek guidance on what it is you really want. The way is to do these things during peacetime, to get clear on what you truly want, your truth, at your highest level. Who are you in your highest thought about yourself? What does your highest self believe? What do you really want, ultimately? What might, if anything, cause your higher self to ever be 'uncivilized?'

This morning the newspaper ran yet another article on the conflict between Israel and Palestine. From a distance, we don't understand why these two peoples can't create peace from a place of love. They choose, instead, to use intimidation, manipulation, threats, and violence. Both sides believing they are right and acting out of righteousness. This is similar to what I witnessed during the beach battle. Both wanting what they wanted, both believing they were in the right. First they tried intimidation. Then manipulation. When threats didn't work, violence happened.

Apologies were exchanged in the end and peace was made - on the surface. As if ordained, both had friends to coach them individually on what had just transpired. There are no such things as accidents. A day at the beach resulted in a much higher purpose. Would that Israel and Palestine could experience such peace now and heal.

So, what causes you to be civilized? What triggers you to be uncivilized? Better yet, what do you want as your 'cause' to be either? Will it be love, peace, honor, respect, dignity? Is there a particular fear you are still holding on to that could cause you to be uncivil? Maybe a day at the beach is in order! Take a friend! Or meet with your best friend, your higher self. I wish you love and peace.